She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
That was an excessively violent trivia night
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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