Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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