can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
