yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
