ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
