Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
