it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
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If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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