You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
