I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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