i need an iv and a liver transplant
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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