do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
