I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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