He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize