I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
