I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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