so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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