I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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