Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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