We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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