You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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