Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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