I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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