I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
