I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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