Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
