omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
