you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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