Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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