i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
