I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
