I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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