dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
