So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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