How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
How naked do you want me to be?
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