i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
