he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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