Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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