It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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