I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
