Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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