Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
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