Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
