Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
