3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I cockslap morals
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
