it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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