found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
