this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I wish there were birth control emojis
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
