he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
