I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
