I can text with my tongue
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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