Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
