I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
