watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
