My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
