Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
