those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
All the doctor said was why
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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