I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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