HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
