i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
