God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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