i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
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Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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