I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
