Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Randomize
