Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
