My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
