I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
