we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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